Thank You, Lord.

Rereading old blogs and seeing how much you've changed = my day.

"For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34

I want my heart to pour out Jesus every single time I open my mouth. Every single time I go to write. Every single time I go to type.

It's really as simple as that. 

Past relationships, future plans, present woes.

I don't want my mouth to speak of that or my heart to be filled with that. 

The past belongs to the Lord.

The future belongs to the Lord.

The present belongs to the Lord.

I want to speak of the One who holds these things. 

I want every part of my heart to be filled with Jesus so that when I open my mouth, He will be poured out into this world a little more.

I'm thankful that today God has physically shown me what He has been changing internally. I like cringing when I read old blog posts. I like feeling embarrassed by my words. 

I love that God is never finished with us. Ever. I guess in my little bubble I thought I had life somewhat figured out. 

I'm thankful that the girl who wrote in December wasn't the finished product of myself. 

I'm thankful that when, and if it's God's will, I'm 80 that I will not be the finished product of myself. 

I'm thankful that God will never say "Well, you know all there is to know and you are exactly who you need to be. Good job and good luck."  

I'm thankful that God is always with us, always changing us, and always showing us new mercies, new love, and new joy every day. 

Even though these words feel so weak in comparison to all You have done, thank You, Lord.

Break me, Lord.

What am I doing, Lord? I'm just taking up space. Not contributing at all to this world. Living selfishly. Living solely for myself. I feel so far removed from You, Lord. Even though You brought me near with Christ. I feel as though my selfish ways are caressing me- telling me I'm okay. They convince me that living life for myself is fair. That living comfortable is right. I try to shut them off but they become louder than Your commands.

"Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations." Matthew 28:19
That's what You say but I say I'm okay right here.

"You will do things even greater than these." John 14:12
That's what You say but I say I'm okay with being mediocre.

"For with God, all things are possible." Matthew 19:26
That's what You say but I say I am limited.

When will I start accepting Your normal?
When will I realize that "whoever finds his life will lose it but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it?" (Matthew 10:39).
When will I let go of myself?
When will I stop feeding myself these lies that living comfortably is what You have called me to do?
When will I realize that Your Holy Spirit in me is unstoppable?
When will I stop talking and start walking? There is work to be done.

"God did not reconcile Himself to us through Christ so that we could sit idly by."

Break me, Lord. Break me so much that I will not know myself. So that I will be a foreigner in my own body depending on You to lead me through this land---this life.

Break me, Lord.